Lost Affinity

There is a time when certain relationships became dull or somewhat obviously conflictive, erosive or useless, where no further beneficial rapport is reached to say it worth the time or further effort to cope with, since clear differences or light recurrent animosity often appeared. There is a regretful time when you and other person probably see —and understand- you don´t match any longer. You might have loved that friendly bond with those feelings shared along with other thoughts; but any day the connection is lost.

Those friends you had in school days changed or, instead, you also changed the way you were. They moved elsewhere or you left them, and such is life; no matter it may be denied.

You´ve tried to match your family, your brothers and sisters (and they don´t have the same).

The one who wrote the letter to the Hebrews knew what I´m talking. He gave us a loving tip and here there are two versions of the same verse to ease the reading:

“not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” (Heb 10:25) [ESV]

“We must not quit meeting together, as some are doing. No, we need to keep on encouraging each other. This becomes more and more important as you see the Day getting closer.” (Heb 10:25) [ERV]

You may read this as a churchly thing, as if it was useless for our own homes or friends, but it is not. I divorced the woman I had the chance to marry with without trying that advice. I do not regret having finished that legal bondage, since we grew up being too differently, and attending different Christian denominations: When I said a word to lead “our children” she said another, and that molested me the most when it happened in front of our kids, a thing that permitted them to see she tried to control [or rule me] in a way she never could during 13 years. What was the end result? One of our kids is in jail. He never learned to behave!

Whenever you think you liked a person, be assured you are also liked and cherished. Explore her/his thoughts and likes before being engaged in a legal affair lest that connection would piss you up to undo, any moment you don´t know.

Of course! No all those types of associations you had were a total lost. Perhaps you did some (or great) efforts to keep them, but these persons chose their own ways. You´ve tried to keep your kids´ affections by giving them gifts, by phone calling them “home” or at their jobs regularly, and there is no need to think they love you the less, it is simply we belong to the place we think we belong. They have their own life (and priorities to care) so the kids you had once are grownups, the way you also left your parents or loved ones.

I have seen good families, healthy and loving relationships and I can admit I have failed without envy. Actually, the kid I´ve loved has his own children. I do not expect Joshua cares for me [or my needs] since I never planned it that way and, the soonest I die could be the best for all, particularly when I have realized I have nothing to live for now. In fact, I wish I had the money and the time to sign up my Will leaving the real state I have for my children: Joshua, Joy and Elisha.

My real friend today is this computer where I type and, the moment I do not think of, this communist government switches their keyboard controls and there is a sudden blackout. They do that too often!

If I attended a church [to find a friend] I would find out we do not match on the things we´ve believed. The churches around are linked to the Pentecostals and most of the things they believed are not the things I think of... By the way, I would never attend to a Catholic church! I´ve been an idolater and I dislike any religious syncretism.

As a matter of religious syncretism I can also admit certain relationships have a bit of it. I have wanted girls or women for the idolized sex and not for pure love. I have sought friends for valued convenience, much more than a particular given condition I had liked on their characters or moods which were their social and natural endowment; so I think a friendship sought like this it is a wrong syncretistic reason I would not retain.

David and Jonathan were good friends (1Sam 20:3).

Job felt all alone in the company of those who themselves thought they were been nice and friendly (Job 16:20, Job 16:21). Nevertheless he was aware of those he needed to be far of (Job 34:8).

Psalms gives good tips to keep in mind the moment we get a friend we have liked probably (Psa 7:4, Psa 35:14) and regarding the Lord Jesus [Yahshua] Judas fulfilled this prophecy: “My best friend, the one I trusted, the one who ate with me —even he has turned against me.” (Psa 41:9).

How many friends or affinities we have betrayed and left?

I have liked this piece of writing (Psa 55:1-23) Psalms says David wrote. It seems there are several portions of it that were fulfilled in Jesus´ life, although I will paste few of what referred to those who had felt sad or disappointed:

“My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death have fallen upon me.” (Psa 55:4)

“Ruin is in its midst; oppression and fraud do not depart from its marketplace.” (Psa 55:11)

“For it is not an enemy who taunts me— then I could bear it; it is not an adversary who deals insolently with me— then I could hide from him. But it is you, a man, my equal, my companion, my familiar friend. We used to take sweet counsel together; within God's house we walked in the throng.” (Psa 55:12-14)

Whenever you see an unsocial “democracy” turning into a progressive autocracy you would see these lines are somewhat reached:

“My companion stretched out his hand against his friends; he violated his covenant.” (Psa 55:20)

At that point you may realize there is no such thing we called democracy. Unbelievers cannot lead holily a nation favoring themselves and Christian believers as well. There is a point where we need to be out of politicians, since most of them are prone to break God´s laws and, in that case, it´s better to be shunned or left to spare our spiritual life.

If any was like this (Psa 119:63), just imagine how Jesus was:

“I am a friend to everyone who worships you. I am a friend to everyone who obeys your instructions.” (Psa 119:63)

No doubt if you had found someone who had similar beliefs of yours will be sought to go to a place of worship (Heb 10:25) in the ways you would have shared thoughts or inner feelings like David and Jonathan did (Psa 55:14), but we´re different.

How come you would love unpleasant people? How come you will seek them when you see you or them will fail once more? (Pro 3:32). Dishonesty is not a friend you would cling to retain.

Here there are some tips worth noticing to improve honest and healthy relationships:

“A friend loves you all the time, but a brother was born to help in times of trouble.” (Pro 17:17)

If you want to be loved, we need to be and remain loving.

“Some friends are fun to be with, but a true friend can be better than a brother.” (Pro 18:24)

Honesty is challenged! It´s more needed than being funny or hypocritically gracious and diplomatic.

“Be a friend to yourself; do all you can to be wise. Try hard to understand, and you will be rewarded.” (Pro 19:8)

Any relationship originates inside you! If you aren´t your own friend you don´t know exactly what a connection and loyalty mean.

“People want a friend they can trust. It is better to be poor than to be a liar.” (Pro 19:22)

Like I said! Do not seek people on the basis of material conveniences but on the frame of common backgrounds, mutual similarities and core beliefs. The King´s eye I ought to seek is God and His Messiah´s (Pro 22:11).

There´s no need to be perfectionist and it´s good to remember we also fail so; tolerance is advisable, unless its relativism might require you to sin. There is no need to find faults everywhere! If you considered yourself better than others you also need to be checked.

“If you always try to be honest, murderers will hate you, but those who do what is right will want you to be their friend.” (Pro 29:10)

Although self-righteousness serves to be banned and left (Mat 7:3-5) it´s doubtful you would love those who behave that way you do so; don´t get mad when those feelings of recurrent rejection appear: “if they hate me youll be hated” ().

Perhaps you have lost some or any desirable affinity you once had, however, real and loyal love depends on you: It is your decision to love them or not!

“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” (Joh 15:13)

Will you try to save or keep anything wrong? The Lord Jesus said:

“Remember the lesson I told you: Servants are not greater than their Master. If people treated me badly, they will treat you badly too. And if they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours too.” (Joh 15:20)

Whenever you have lost an esteemed attachment with those you think you belonged, remember this uplifting statement:

“People will hate you because you belong to the Son of Man. They will make you leave their group. They will insult you. They will think it is wrong even to say your name. When these things happen, know that great blessings belong to you.” (Luk 6:22)

I do not mind pouring my life on these lines for your own benefit: For a couple of months I lived with a women I liked and, in trust, she told me she missed the man who physically and verbally mistreated her. I was in the process of that exploration, just to see how we would match in a long term relationship and without asking her, she added something like this: “Sex with him was the most I´m missing”.

The relationship they had was ended for violence and economic harassments but, according to what I saw, she loved wild sex (she was a smart nymph with 3 children) and I would never be seduced to act another way I am not, so very soon that relationship ended conveniently for both of us.

I think it disloyal to mention these things I have heard and lived out with other people, but grant me permission to share something I will abridge to show how sordid we are, in spite of our religious beliefs.

There was an acquaintance I wanted to help. It was easy to see she was desperate and along that moment, so I tried to do the best I could or knew… She told me she wasn´t eating. Soon after I knew that thing in great details and I hate the way we humans are.

Her husband was cheating on her nastily! I won´t tell the nauseating details I knew, except this thing I learnt from her: Sex is very addictive to utterly leave disloyal people and conversely, in the other hand, love and sex are up to you! And your needs. It is your decision to keep or disregard an unhealthy relationship.

I do not care what a person might have been. If I liked her, it is she is nice to be with and, if she ever prostituted, robbed someone I do not care for that, except I am not the person she thinks she needs. If a woman was lesbian I do not care, except that a gay man would approach to lure to me. If I knew the woman I love or stayed still clings to concealed lesbian relationships I would not care, except she needed another man to be satisfied both economically and sexually.

Is that the way we humans are?

When we get old, when we retired or accept our times, we see life differently. Perhaps you would like the very similar things you´ve liked at youth, maybe you could easily cope with those emotions when being discouraged and quickly discharged, because all you are is within you, in your brain. It is your own body that tells what it is lacked or missed!

If you got a young woman or girl you would be endangered to endure those things you already lived up painstakingly. It´s very difficult you would start a new life with someone who hasn´t outlived her historical private records and that´s probably the reason I think I have nothing to live: I haven´t lost the connection I´ve got with myself, yet I lost the strength to cope with what people expect.

Yesterday I was shocked in an unselfish grievance. I heard something you would not believe unless you stayed in an environment where people have to fight to survive.

There were two acquaintances in front of their house. They had a cardboard protesting against the killing of young and old people in Venezuela for political reasons. I stopped to greet a second time someone I met at her workplace a couple of hours before. Her mother referred me that a woman with two kids stopped by, before I came. That woman —they do not know by name- agreed with the issue they were protesting for pacifically in front of their house and, the moment they stared at their eyes and faces, they both knew she was sadly hungry, so they offered a scarce dish of food someone in there did not want to eat at lunch.

-I have no way to show you the way they ate –the doctor said.

-No way! I myself am hungry and I´m thankful a client gave me a partial payment, so I could buy some mangoes I´m going to eat within few moments, when I watched my hands. -I mentioned.

-Haven´t you eaten, Antonio –asked her daughter, next to me.

-No! It´s the first time in my life I know what real scarcity means —I said- and now I understand that you are also afflicted by it, because of the failures of this communist dictatorship.

Meanwhile, that doctor finally told me what they both witnessed in front of their house in the nearest town.

-What called my attention was particularly this —before they finished eating- the girl who was escorting the woman who stopped by, naively asked her mother not to get awaken the little daughter her mother embraced, just the moment that woman was disrupted by the baby´s movements…

-Well mom! I wouldn´t say that girl was totally innocent —said my acquaintance looking at her mom.

-Why not guileless? -I asked.

-Since that girl also said: “If she wakes up now she surely would ask from the scarce food we have.” If we had more, we hadn´t offered too little to those we saw in need!

-Oh! My! I have seen old parents and grownup children hiding their food, but this case is new.

-And that´s why we could not invite you to get a lunch.

-Thanks God I could buy these mangoes!

I ate enough mangoes there. I sat down while the doctor entered her home and I share a good deal of time talking there. When I got the bus to go back home, I greeted few of those I knew or acknowledged as friends. I wanted to visit a potential client, but I chose to get in that bus, since public transportation to the place where I live is occasional and missing for hours.

-Hey! Sat over there! There is an empty seat you could use. –Said someone I don´t remember now.

I looked at the place he showed me and saw a teenager picking up his backpack off from the place I was offered to be seated. If I tell you the truth, I don´t mind travelling half an hour unseated than waiting one or two hours waiting for nothing...

I asked to myself: “Why this young man was well accommodated here without telling me there was some useful room?” I was not the only one who could be blessed —and enthroned- in a seat he would not double pay to use for but, as I swiftly thought, since that boy´s dad knows me and greeted me the moment I sat down: “Why they didn´t call me to be here, instead of the other man who offered me a seat, who wasn´t in the rear part of that bus?”

I lost connection with them and most of them are actually disconnected in their own accommodated selfishness. I deliberately ignored a man I knew in the back of the driver’s seat. When I looked at his face, I chose to greet the next man his side, because I know several things I won´t mentioning here but, when I left the bus, I realized his wife was near my back inadvertently. When I noticed her when I was leaving, I eagerly greeted her; since she often behaves as a real friend. She surely practices –with deeds- what the psalmist said:

“A friend loves you all the time, but a brother was born to help in times of trouble.” (Pro 17:17)

Although she was wise there (Prov 19:8) at avoiding saying “hello” when I got on board, because that man have asked her to ignore me too.

It is that we all have lost affinity with loved ones, and lost ones...

“A man's discretion makes his anger slow, and his glory is to pass over a transgression.” (Prov 19:11)

Will I put down my life for someone I do not love?

You have your own answers!

Otherwise, they´ll be found out elsewhere.