There
is a time when certain relationships became dull or somewhat
obviously conflictive, erosive or useless, where no further
beneficial rapport is reached to say it worth the time or further
effort to cope with, since clear differences or light recurrent
animosity often appeared. There is a regretful time when you and
other person probably see —and understand- you don´t match any
longer. You might have loved that friendly bond with those feelings
shared along with other thoughts; but any day the connection is lost.
Those
friends you had in school days changed or, instead, you also changed
the way you were. They moved elsewhere or you left them, and such is
life; no matter it may be denied.
You´ve
tried to match your family, your brothers and sisters (and they
don´t have the same).
The
one who wrote the letter to the Hebrews knew what I´m talking. He
gave us a loving tip and here there are two versions of the same
verse to ease the reading:
“not
neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging
one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”
(Heb 10:25) [ESV]
“We
must not quit meeting together, as some are doing. No, we need to
keep
on encouraging each other.
This becomes more and more important as you see the Day getting
closer.” (Heb 10:25) [ERV]
You
may read this as a churchly thing, as if it was useless for our own
homes or friends, but it is not. I divorced the woman I had the
chance to marry with without trying that advice. I do not regret
having finished that legal bondage, since we grew up being too
differently, and attending different Christian denominations: When I
said a word to lead “our children” she said another, and that
molested me the most when it happened in front of our kids, a thing
that permitted them to see she tried to control [or rule me] in a way
she never could during 13 years. What was the end result? One of our
kids is in jail. He never learned to behave!
Whenever
you think you liked a person, be assured you are also liked and
cherished. Explore her/his thoughts and likes before being engaged in
a legal affair lest that connection would piss you up to undo, any
moment you don´t know.
Of
course! No all those types of associations you had were a total lost.
Perhaps you did some (or great) efforts to keep them, but these
persons chose their own ways. You´ve tried to keep your kids´
affections by giving them gifts, by phone calling them “home” or
at their jobs regularly, and there is no need to think they love you
the less,
it is simply we belong to the place we think we belong. They have
their own life (and priorities to care) so the
kids you had once are grownups, the way
you also left your parents or loved ones.
I
have seen good families, healthy and loving relationships and I can
admit I have failed without envy. Actually, the kid I´ve loved has
his own children. I do not expect Joshua cares for me [or my needs]
since I never planned it that way and, the soonest I die could be the
best for all, particularly when I have realized I have nothing to
live for now. In fact, I wish I had the money and the time to sign up
my Will leaving the real state I have for my children: Joshua, Joy
and Elisha.
My
real friend today is this computer where I type and, the moment I do
not think of, this communist government switches their keyboard
controls and there is a sudden blackout. They do that too often!
If
I attended a church [to find a friend] I would find out we do not
match on the things we´ve believed. The churches around are linked
to the Pentecostals and most of the things they believed are not the
things I think of... By the way, I would never attend to a Catholic
church! I´ve been an idolater and I dislike any religious
syncretism.
As
a matter of religious syncretism I
can also admit certain relationships
have a bit of it. I have wanted girls or women for the idolized
sex and not for pure love. I have
sought friends for valued
convenience, much more than a particular given condition I had liked
on their characters or moods which were their social and natural
endowment; so I think a friendship sought like this it is a wrong
syncretistic
reason I would not retain.
David
and Jonathan were good friends (1Sam 20:3).
Job
felt all alone in the company of those who themselves thought they
were been nice and friendly (Job 16:20, Job 16:21). Nevertheless he
was aware of those he needed to be far of (Job 34:8).
Psalms
gives good tips to keep in mind
the moment we get a friend we have liked probably (Psa 7:4, Psa
35:14) and regarding the Lord Jesus [Yahshua] Judas fulfilled this
prophecy: “My
best friend, the one I trusted, the one who ate with me —even he
has turned against me.” (Psa
41:9).
How
many friends or affinities we have betrayed and left?
I
have liked this piece of writing (Psa 55:1-23) Psalms says David
wrote. It seems there are several portions of it that were fulfilled
in Jesus´ life, although I will paste few of what referred to those
who had felt sad or disappointed:
“My
heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death have fallen upon
me.” (Psa 55:4)
“Ruin
is in its midst; oppression and fraud do not depart from its
marketplace.” (Psa 55:11)
“For
it is not an enemy who taunts me— then I could bear it; it is not
an adversary who deals insolently with me— then I could hide from
him. But it is you, a man, my equal, my companion, my familiar
friend. We used to take sweet counsel together; within God's house we
walked in the throng.” (Psa
55:12-14)
Whenever
you see an unsocial “democracy” turning into a
progressive autocracy you would see
these lines are somewhat reached:
“My
companion stretched out his hand against his friends; he
violated his covenant.”
(Psa 55:20)
At
that point you may realize there is no such thing we called
democracy. Unbelievers cannot lead
holily a nation favoring themselves and
Christian believers as well. There is a point where we need to be out
of politicians, since most of them are prone to break God´s laws
and, in that case, it´s better to be shunned or left to spare our
spiritual life.
If
any was like this (Psa 119:63), just imagine how Jesus was:
“I
am a friend to everyone who worships you. I am a friend to everyone
who obeys your instructions.”
(Psa 119:63)
No
doubt if you had found someone who had similar beliefs of yours will
be sought to go to a place of worship (Heb 10:25) in the ways you
would have shared thoughts or inner feelings like David and Jonathan
did (Psa 55:14), but we´re different.
How
come you would love unpleasant people? How come you will seek them
when you see you or them will fail once more? (Pro 3:32). Dishonesty
is not a friend
you would cling to retain.
Here
there are some tips worth noticing to
improve honest and healthy
relationships:
“A
friend loves you all the time, but a brother was born to help in
times of trouble.” (Pro 17:17)
If
you want to be loved, we need to be and remain loving.
“Some
friends are fun to be with, but a true friend can be better than a
brother.” (Pro 18:24)
Honesty
is challenged! It´s more needed than being funny or hypocritically
gracious and diplomatic.
“Be
a friend to yourself; do
all you can
to be wise. Try hard to understand, and you will be rewarded.”
(Pro 19:8)
Any
relationship originates inside you! If you aren´t your own friend
you don´t know exactly what a connection and loyalty mean.
“People
want a friend they
can trust.
It is better to be poor than to be a liar.”
(Pro 19:22)
Like
I said! Do not seek people on the basis of material
conveniences but on the frame of common
backgrounds, mutual similarities and core beliefs. The King´s eye I
ought to seek is God and His Messiah´s (Pro 22:11).
There´s
no need to be perfectionist and it´s good to remember we also fail
so; tolerance
is advisable, unless its relativism
might require you to sin. There is
no need to find faults everywhere! If you considered yourself better
than others you also need to be checked.
“If
you always try to be honest, murderers will hate you, but those who
do what is right will want you to be their friend.”
(Pro 29:10)
Although
self-righteousness serves to be banned
and left (Mat 7:3-5) it´s doubtful you would love those who behave
that way you do so; don´t get mad when those feelings of recurrent
rejection appear: “if
they hate me youll be hated” ().
Perhaps
you have lost some or any desirable
affinity you once had, however, real
and loyal love depends on you: It is your decision to love them or
not!
“Greater
love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his
friends.” (Joh 15:13)
Will
you try to save or keep anything wrong? The Lord Jesus said:
“Remember
the lesson I told you: Servants
are not greater than their Master. If people treated me badly, they
will treat you badly too. And if they obeyed my teaching, they will
obey yours too.” (Joh 15:20)
Whenever
you have lost an esteemed attachment
with those you think you belonged,
remember this uplifting statement:
“People
will hate you because you belong to the Son of Man. They will make
you leave their group. They
will insult you.
They will think it is wrong even to say your name. When these things
happen, know that great blessings belong to you.”
(Luk 6:22)
I
do not mind pouring my life on these lines for your own benefit: For
a couple of months I lived with a women I liked and, in trust, she
told me she missed the man who physically and verbally mistreated
her. I was in the process of that exploration, just to see how we
would match in a long term relationship and without asking her, she
added something like this: “Sex with
him was the most I´m missing”.
The
relationship they had was ended for violence and economic harassments
but, according to what I saw, she loved wild sex (she was a smart
nymph with 3 children) and I would never be seduced to act another
way I am not, so very soon
that relationship ended conveniently for both of us.
I
think it disloyal to mention these things I have heard and lived out
with other people, but grant me permission to share something I will
abridge to show how sordid we are, in spite of our religious beliefs.
There
was an acquaintance I wanted to help. It was easy to see she was
desperate and along that moment, so I tried to do the best I could or
knew… She told me she wasn´t eating. Soon after I knew that thing
in great details and I hate the way we humans are.
Her
husband was cheating on her nastily! I won´t tell the nauseating
details I knew, except this thing I learnt from her: Sex
is very addictive to utterly leave
disloyal people and conversely, in
the other hand, love and sex are up to
you! And your needs. It is your
decision to keep or disregard an unhealthy relationship.
I
do not care what a person might have been. If I liked her, it is she
is nice to be with and, if she ever prostituted, robbed someone I do
not care for that, except I am not the person she thinks she needs.
If a woman was lesbian I do not care, except that a gay man would
approach to lure to me. If I knew the woman I love or stayed still
clings to concealed lesbian relationships I would not care, except
she needed another man
to be satisfied both economically and sexually.
Is
that the way we humans are?
When
we get old, when we retired or accept our times, we see life
differently. Perhaps you would like the very similar things you´ve
liked at youth, maybe you could easily cope with those emotions when
being discouraged and quickly discharged, because all you are is
within you, in your brain. It is your own body that tells what it is
lacked or missed!
If
you got a young woman or girl you would be endangered to endure those
things you already lived up painstakingly. It´s very difficult you
would start a new life with someone who hasn´t outlived her
historical private records and that´s probably the reason I think I
have nothing to live: I haven´t lost the connection I´ve got with
myself, yet I lost the strength to cope with what people expect.
Yesterday
I was shocked in an unselfish grievance. I heard something you would
not believe unless you stayed in an environment where people have to
fight to survive.
There
were two acquaintances in front of their house. They had a cardboard
protesting against the killing of young and old people in Venezuela
for political reasons. I stopped to greet a second time someone I
met at her workplace a couple of hours before. Her mother referred me
that a woman with two kids stopped
by, before I came. That woman —they do not know by name- agreed
with the issue they were protesting for pacifically in front of their
house and, the moment they stared at their eyes and faces, they both
knew she was sadly hungry, so they offered a scarce dish of food
someone in there did not want to eat at lunch.
-I
have no way to show you the way they ate –the doctor said.
-No
way! I myself am hungry and I´m thankful a client gave me a partial
payment, so I could buy some mangoes I´m going to eat within few
moments, when I watched my hands. -I mentioned.
-Haven´t
you eaten, Antonio –asked her daughter, next to me.
-No!
It´s the first time in my life I know what real scarcity means —I
said- and now I understand that you are also afflicted by it, because
of the failures of this communist dictatorship.
Meanwhile,
that doctor finally told me what they both witnessed in front of
their house in the nearest town.
-What
called my attention was particularly this —before they finished
eating- the girl who was escorting the woman who stopped by, naively
asked her mother not to get awaken
the little daughter her mother embraced, just the moment that woman
was disrupted by the baby´s movements…
-Well
mom! I wouldn´t say that girl was totally innocent
—said my acquaintance looking at her mom.
-Why
not guileless? -I asked.
-Since
that girl also said: “If she wakes up
now she surely would ask from the scarce food we have.”
If we had more, we hadn´t offered too little to those we saw in
need!
-Oh!
My! I have seen old parents and grownup children hiding their food,
but this case is new.
-And
that´s why we could not invite you to get a lunch.
-Thanks
God I could buy these mangoes!
I
ate enough mangoes there. I sat down while the doctor entered her
home and I share a good deal of time talking there. When I got the
bus to go back home, I greeted few of those I knew or acknowledged as
friends. I wanted to visit a potential client, but I chose to get in
that bus, since public transportation to the place where I live is
occasional and missing for hours.
-Hey!
Sat over there! There is an empty seat you could use. –Said someone
I don´t remember now.
I
looked at the place he showed me and saw a teenager picking up his
backpack off from the place I was offered to be seated. If I tell you
the truth, I don´t mind travelling half an hour unseated than
waiting one or two hours waiting for nothing...
I
asked to myself: “Why this young man
was well accommodated here without telling me there was some useful
room?” I was not the only one who
could be blessed —and enthroned- in a seat he would not double pay
to use for but, as I swiftly thought, since that boy´s dad knows me
and greeted me the moment I sat down: “Why
they didn´t call me to be here, instead of the other man who offered
me a seat, who wasn´t in the rear part of that bus?”
I
lost connection with them and most of them are actually disconnected
in their own accommodated selfishness. I deliberately ignored a man I
knew in the back of the driver’s seat. When I looked at his face, I
chose to greet the next man his side, because I know several things I
won´t mentioning here but, when I left the bus, I realized his wife
was near my back inadvertently. When I noticed her when I was
leaving, I eagerly greeted her; since she often behaves as a real
friend. She surely practices –with
deeds- what the psalmist said:
“A
friend loves you all the time, but a brother was born to help in
times of trouble.” (Pro 17:17)
Although
she was wise there (Prov 19:8) at avoiding saying “hello” when I
got on board, because that man have asked her to ignore me too.
It
is that we all have lost affinity
with loved ones, and lost ones...
“A
man's discretion
makes
his anger
slow,
and his glory is to pass
over a transgression.”
(Prov 19:11)
Will
I put down my life for someone I do not love?
You
have your own answers!
Otherwise,
they´ll be found out elsewhere.