Where is such freedom

By A. Toro

I don´t know why God chose to "speak" through "messengers" instead of placing a direct talk with EACH human.

I understand He decided to separate from sinners to avoid killing them all for our transgressions, because He got upset witnessing our failures, selfishness, disobedience, etc. and, the messy world this turmoil has created made Him to stay away, as if all were dead, deprived from His presence. The same thing I did! I´m isolated from those I don´t like. I hid from those I disliked and if I could, I would live elsewhere and not assailed by these people I don´t like for many reasons.

Two Monicas have said I belong to Him… Maybe I am absolutely wrong when I denied I belonged to Him. Perhaps I´m misled (and overly ill-biased) at using this eroded gap as a shield that hides me more from them than to defend or protect the one who I am but, am I not certainly disturbed the way they are when I approached?

That´s their right. That´s is freedom! Yet it looks like if we all were skunks running away from the offensive interaction of our fetidness.

The ways they speak have bothered me more than once. Their outlook is offensive and their discernable hostile attitude has disheartened me to approach many of them friendly or as someone to turn to. How come God would not let me feel I´m alone, if I can´t be His for that clear antagonism, that uncaring selfishness that unsympathetically sees people coming to rule me (or use me) like a piece of toilet paper?

I could see people´s aims or arrogance, but I´m not any better than them, and that´s why I´m alone (except for few friends elsewhere). I´m fussy! I´m jealous and selfish. I´m picky like any of you but, is this freedom or the slavery I have to outlive?

Antagonistic human bondage

I don´t even know what to believe in! (Except in those things I do know firsthand).

When I pray alone I feel I talked to no one I can hear or notice attentively. I feel I am left all alone! And I´m aware God owes me absolutely nothing. He´s not obliged at all! So, if I knew this, why do I have to pray rather than doing what I want to be done?

It is not loneliness that I feel, but that divine rejection, His detachment and that being ignored for that antagonism I have shown at being picky, fussy-minded, to realized I am somewhat deceived when I thought He “would listen” to me. I´m not evenly interested to honor Him whom I haven´t seen nor heard.

The empty pit

Last night I attended to a place where long prayers were made. I thought that meeting will be for studying or reading the Bible, but I perceived it as if they talked aloud simply to be publicly heard. They said God was there! (Perhaps He was) but I didn´t see His personal manifestation with anything assuring enough He was there to rule, heal and govern… Can´t you see God my pitfall?

I didn´t pray, although I tried to back them up in what it was said or heard. Psychologically I would not lie to me saying “He heard! He was there!” because I know I have prayed –for years- and got discouraged or worn out. I´m the kind of person who needs interaction, communication instead of useless information and now I believed He wanted this land to be filled with His creatures to live the way He is pleased.

y them and myself) and, on that case, I preferred typing into this computer! I know I am writing to a responsive screen I bought to work and, somehow, these lines will reach you or someone else´s behind several remote servers but, how do I know God is reading the information I had in my mind when I was dealing this deceptive sadness or the rejection I felt when not hearing Him directly?

Typing! Just telling Him I long He reigns over mortality.

Can He directly communicate a way I feel or understand? Perhaps He chose to let me see how we humans are to understand what we´re doing wrong and misled.

I can work, but I can´t get my way through to a new job, to get the money I need to avoid the scarcity of poverty or the anxiety felt when people are feeling hungry: I could buy food each day, however our daily bread is not produced from one day to another… Is it a horrid sin I wish I had enough money, so I never depended on Him nor you to be absolutely free?

A new friend invited me to flee from this communist country to a different place, where she thinks freedom could me found, and that made me think of what freedom really is:

“The condition of being free; the power to act or speak or think without externally imposed restraints.”

God is the One absolutely free!

He is sovereign enough to do and undo. He is excepted and invulnerable from any obligation or duty, and certainly He is not me!

Let´s have an eye on Job´s answers:

“Who has first given to me, that I should repay him? Whatever is under the whole heaven is mine.” (Job 41:11)

He owes me nothing! And if I fled again, I would owe a new country (and its partisans) all I don´t have here, all the blessings communism steals each Venezuelans.

• Am I willing to live under an unbearable debt of having a borrowed shelter instead of misplacing the freedom I received when I owned the roof I built and paid?
• Will I be happier to live like a, expatriate nomad when God allowed me to buy my own land, the place where I built my own tiny hut?

God owes me nothing and I owe Him all it could be borne if He wills.

I can´t be cursed the way Judas hanged himself (Mat 27:5) voting for a communist party, yet I worked a couple of years to get a better political system I haven´t seen under the dictatorship of this widespread social resentment.

Do I owe them anything to be bound like a slave like this?

God is absolutely free! He has the power to act or speak or think without externally imposed restraints. Neither my needs nor yours are controlling His skillful decisions, His detached distance and holy will, and here it is where we all are controlled like praying birds in a spiritual cage longing He was here to rule all those molesting things we dislike from a fallen world.

Dogs should be kept under restraint (Rev 22:15). If I went elsewhere abroad I could be constrained by another´s will in a worst way, somewhat legally handicapped, without my own roof! (Yet being fed like a dog tied to another´s bootlace as it is done by the hand of a foreign foreman).

Where is the freedom I longed? If all nations have those individuals ruling over the crowds they´ve controlled economically, and politically.

I don´t believe in man´s goodness!

If I made a job I will not charge you with the food I needed a single day, but with all I need to pay for a bed to sleep at night, the tickets I need to reach the place where you are, the tools I needed to work and the bills I am being charged by others like me.

Where is such freedom sought, if anyplace I would go I´m also obliged (or indebted) with somebody´s else accommodations, social boundaries, and decadent rules to keep?

We owe God everything! (And His will can be endured)

“The earth and everything on it belong to the LORD. The world and all its people belong to Him.” (Psalm 24:1)

Yet I am near to be desperate, downhearted and utterly disappointed.